what about those shoes your in today?

Long time no talk.

2007-08-11T21:36:29Z

I am working on a pretty sweet project with Hope, a fellow stage manager.
She is pretty awesome.

check out our stage management blog http://managementparables.wordpress.com/

tell your friends, visit often, comment, love it! hate it! JUST CHECK IT OUT!!!!

Something to believe in.

2007-03-01T06:56:13Z

I love stage managing.

Do you love what you do?

The Proudest Monkey.

2007-02-17T22:36:48Z

So in the basement of the Performing Arts Center at Virginia Commonwealth University there is a broom closet. This broom closet has become the VCU stage management office. Room B-51. As you read this Lester is clinging to the cement blocks that create the foundation of the building.

Lester is the biggest cockroach I have ever seen in my life. He travels around the same cement block all day and will never leave until I kill him.

Now.

Enter a subject.

2006-12-23T03:47:22Z

come over and its tea for two/sit by the fire and rest our working minds/talk about buddhism, literature and the past/find ourselves at the bottom of mugs/sit in silence because its comfortable/i am to afraid to paint you a picture/or whats really going on inside my head.

haha....

2006-11-17T15:31:18Z

its my birthday and I don't like to play into astrology but I looked today up and what I found is so accurate I'm kinda scared.

check it out....

November 17 Birthday Astrology Profile

If Today is Your Birthday: November 17
Personality Profile for People Born on November 17

The following descriptions reveal some of the characteristics of people who share a birthday—those who are born on November 17th of any year—based on various methods used in Astrology, Numerology, and Cartomancy. Note that both Astrology and Numerology reveal much more depth when a birth year, and in the case of the former, a birth time and place are included.
The Astrology & Numerology of your Birthday

Your Sun is in Scorpio in the Cancer decanate and the Leo quadrant.

The rulers of your Sun in Scorpio are Pluto and Mars. Secondary rulers of your decanate and quadrant signs are the Moon and the Sun.

Although you have a talent for communicating, you are not an open book. Your personality is vibrant, and others notice you wherever you go. As emotional as you are, you prefer to present the strong side of your personality to others. You may readily discuss your personal past, but you are not one to whine about your life. You do have an interesting life story, no doubt about it, as you tend to attract change and even crisis into your life with your controlled yet powerful emotions. Your life is far from static, likely because your personality is very dynamic.
Protective - Strong - Emotional

Lauren Hutton, born November 17, 1943 Actress, supermodel.

Martin Scorsese, born November 17, 1942 Film director.

Danny DeVito, born November 17, 1944 Actor, director, producer.

Gordon Lightfoot, born November 17, 1938 Singer, songwriter.

Rock Hudson, born November 17, 1925 Actor.

Fixed Star(s) Near Your Sun:

Sun Conjunct Agena
This fixed star has a Venus-Jupiter influence, and suggests you have strong morals, you act honorably, and your tastes are refined. You answer to an inner code that keeps you aboveboard. You may make favorable friendships. Your mind is active and sharp, and you can achieve much success in your life.

Progressed Sun: Turning Points in the Life
We carry our Sun sign with us throughout our entire lives. If I'm a Scorpio, I'll always be a Scorpio. However, in secondary progressions, the Sun "progresses" in a symbolic sense through our natal Sun sign, and then beyond it to subsequent signs. Secondary progressions are "a day for a year", and because the Sun moves just under one degree per day, our Sun symbolically progresses just short of one degree every year of our lives. Because there are 30 degrees for every sign, if I was born in the latter days of a Scorpio Sun, my Sun would progress to the sign of Sagittarius in my early childhood, and to the sign of Capricorn in my early to mid-30's. If I was born near the beginning of a Scorpio Sun, however, my progressed Sun would enter Sagittarius close to my 30th birthday, and to Capricorn in my late 50's. The changeover of signs marks a critical turning point in a person's life. At the very end of a sign (just before changing signs), individuals may make life-changing, impulsive decisions.

Your progressed Sun enters Sagittarius at age 5. The ages of 4 to 6 mark a critical turning point in the development of your personality. After some sort of crisis of consciousness, and perhaps elimination of circumstances that have been limiting your growth, you begin to feel lighter, more free, and decidedly more outgoing. Your desire to learn increases, and your sense of humor is enriched. You are more flexible during this period as well.

Your progressed Sun enters Capricorn at age 34. The ages of 33 to 35 mark a critical turning point in the development of your personality. You become more practical, mindful, and concerned about your personal security. You are a self-starter, and you become more shrewd and focused on your goals.

Your progressed Sun enters Aquarius at age 64. The ages of 63 to 65 mark a critical turning point in the development of your personality. You become more humanitarian, somewhat detached, and independent. Some may become self-righteous and fixed during this phase, while others learn to detach themselves from situations and loosen up. You kick up your heels and enjoy life with a certain level of detachment and confidence that you hadn't discovered before this time.

Degree Meanings of your Sun:

25 Scorpio
Sabian Symbol:

Sabian symbols present imagery associated with the degree of your Sun in Scorpio. Either of the following may apply, depending on the exact degree of your Sun:

If Sun is 24-25 degrees Scorpio:

"An X-Ray Photograph"

If Sun is 25-26 degrees Scorpio:

"American Indians Making Camp After Moving Into A New Territory"

Harmonic Degree Meaning:
The following is the degree meaning of your Sun (25 degrees Scorpio) based on harmonic sign influences.*

"Quiet, instinctive, self-reliant, intense. Sharp, critical, penetrating perception.
May be caustic or satirical in speech."

Numerology of November 17

You were born on the 17th day of the month, which reduces to a 8. Challenges in your life may be frequent, but you are strong and capable, and rise to them. Factoring in the 11th month of November, you are a number 1. Although you are passionate and companionable, you are quite capable of being independent. You are not fond of being told what to do, and you often shoulder more than your share of responsibilities. Factoring in your birth year gives you your Birth Path Number—a highly personal number for you. Find out how to determine this number here.

Most Favorable Days of the Month are 8, 17, 26, especially when these days (of any month) fall on a Saturday; and/or when the Sun is in Capricorn. The best colors for you are dark ones--dark grey, black, dark blue, and deep purple. You might want to wear amethyst, sapphire, black pearl, or black diamond next to your skin.

Birthday Forecast for You

2006 is a Number Nine year for you. Ruled by Mars. This is a year of completion and transition. It is a time when we need to let go of things that no longer serve their purpose, and hold on to things that have a future. It can be a time when a burden has been taken off your shoulders, and it can be a year of giving of yourself. Advice - let go of things that are holding you back, give of yourself and express your sympathetic, compassionate side.
See Your Full Astrology Birthday Forecast for the year ahead

You Are Drawn to People Born on...
Easy, subtle attraction and harmony: You don't feel an irresistible pull towards each other, but over time, appreciate the peace you have between you. These people are good for you, although they might not challenge you to grow.

January 13-20, March 11-21, July 11-21, September 13-22

On-again, off-again attraction. This is a complex connection, and you make an odd yet interested couple.

April 13-17, June 13-17, October 16-20, December 16-20

A mysterious attraction that can be very romantic...or completely platonic! This is a spiritual connection that has a magical quality to it.

January 5-9, February 26-March 2, July 31-August 4, September 23-27

Opposites attract. Push me, pull me. You could complement each other well if you allow yourselves to learn from each other, or you could actively war against each other.

May 11-21

Attraction of the soul; challenging, intense, rich, and binding.

October 5-9, December 26-30

Powerful, tumultuous attraction--you are aware of the distinct differences between you, but may be drawn to each other because of the simultaneous awareness of a need and a lack. Either the relationship is ongoing and obviously tumultuous and of a "love-hate" nature, or it flows well until it breaks unexpectedly.

January 1-4, February 10-20, March 29-April 2, June 29-July 3, August 11-21, September 30-October 4, November 12-22, December 31

Creative, communicative, inspiring, and spiritually rewarding connections.

January 26-30, April 7-11, June 19-23, September 2-7

What's in the Cards...
Today's playing cards are based on an ancient system similar to the Tarot. Each birthday of the year is associated with a main playing card, the Birth Card, and each tells its own story.

The card associated with your birthday is the Three of Clubs. Your mind is sharp and you love to talk! You may grow into this quality--beginning life as a quiet child and, over the years, you discover your voice. Your creativity is strong, although you are often more of an "idea person". In fact, you are never short on ideas, but there's only so much time in the day to act upon them! Your love card is the Nine of Hearts. This suggests that you easily attract admirers and you are willing to make huge sacrifices for the sake of love. However, because you are so passionate and somewhat idealistic about love, you may experience your share of ups and downs in love, simply because you want your partner to mirror your passion and emotional vitality.

livejournal...

2006-11-14T06:16:06Z

if you were a person I'd hit you right now.

because there is someone I want to hit...but I can't.

So, I waited for the right thing to happen.

2006-10-09T17:23:58Z

And it did, thank God.

I predict this will be a good week.

A good week that involves socializing with people I haven't in a while and reconnecting, because I've been too busy to do that so far this semester.

(THE NERD IS OVER BTW!)

I'm obsessed with the early november song a 1000 times day, i'm not sure why, but after reading the lyrics it's really funny because it goes over three major relationships I've had and all in one song! and it's not all debbie downerish.

I predict a good week and that feeling is amazing, even though I'm like totally failing everything right now, minus costuming and make-up design and stage management.

"i guess that didn't impress you."
I LOVE THIS FUCKING SONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG and I am soooo bored.

I've been meaning to post something real here this week.

2006-10-06T17:47:44Z

Because let's face it, it's been quite the week for Wee.

But every time I start to blog, and did blog, I feel this huge guilt.

Guilt because I should be writing something, somewhere else.

And I should be so I leave you with this:

When your life sucks, and God knows everyone's life SUCKS, it's okay to just wait...and wait for the right thing to happen instead of making it happen.

I'm learning.

Well, everyone makes mistakes you let me down for the last time.

2006-10-04T17:32:28Z

I cannot express the range of emotions/moods I have felt within the last week. Pure UNADULTERATED happiness, utter confusion, ANGER to an extent that BLOWS MY FUCKING MIND, envy, and so on...

My grades are slipping and for once it's NOT my social life that is the answer to why, in fact my social life hasn't affected my grades in college at all yet. Granted it has led me to make poor decisions involving skipping class, skipping sleep, and skipping assignments, but none of that has shown through my grades thus far. But right now... right now there is a war going on between myself and two of my classes.

I'm not sure who'll win, but right now I'm getting my ass kicked. But I blame that on THE NERD. Come this Sunday everything is going to be just all right. I will be able to get back into the swing of things.

Afterall, if I have been able to keep my room clean this year (mostly), I can get back in the swing of post show academics.

Normal people my age worry about heartbreak, I'm too busy worrying about whether or not not having a summerstock job this summer is going to ruin my professional career before I even graduate.

when life is worth it...

2006-09-27T05:32:40Z

You know when your exhausted and you've made plans with friends after you have to do something. And then you get out and you're like....man I kinda just want to go home and sleep. Well the few times recently when I've been like NO I can't sleep I must have a social life have been totally worth it.

Tonight for instance Brian, Steven and myself took chalk and wrote miss you, and drew colin on the compass. We called Ashface and had her go on the RamCam and check it out. Right as we are telling her how to get to the website a police officer pulls over. At first he is kind of a jackass but not really, explains why he was saying anything to us, we agreed that his reasons for telling us we weren't allowed to do that were understandable.

He took our names, checked our IDs, did a background check..., and then said he'd either call us telling us to clean it up or we'd never hear from him again.

I swiftly called Ashface and twaited for the stream to load, then Steven told her why we had to get off the phone so fast, and she laughed.

She said it made her want to cry or maybe it was that she was crying. Either way I really doubt that...! haha.

It's true that I've grown, but I haven't grown up just yet. This was proof.

Now at 1:30 am I have to write a paper. I have to write it solo, because the two other people in my group decided they weren't going to do anything to help me.

And to them I say thanks. It only makes the fact that I spent well over an hour with best friends just to make another friend happy for a moment even better.

I wish I had a picture of it...

thank you liz. edit:my life is getting better everyday, and that's not a lie.

2006-09-26T13:36:23Z

what lies do I tell myself to get me outta bed each day?

there is no lie.
I want to live my life to the last drop in the event that I suddenly have to become responsible (HELPFUL SUBTEXT: for my sister)

and maybe there are two lies.
but you'll never know.

That is what I wrote before my Art History Exam.

i think the real question is what lies do I tell myself so I can sleep at night.

Feeling Alive and Being Dead.

2006-09-21T05:41:07Z

Sleep--the closest thing you are to being dead. I don't know if you have ever fallen asleep really happy, or really high, or just where you make the conscious decision to fall asleep instead of crashing, but that feeling is so amazing it may just be the most alive I've felt in a long time.

Though, I haven't just fallen asleep lately without crashing. Let's face it...I'm a stage manager with rehearsals until 11:30 and class at 8 am. I crash often.

But last week. GOD. Last week. There was just something about last week that made sleep so amazing. One night I didn't even sleep and the next day I was awake and felt amazing...the most energized I'd been in a while. I get back from rehearsal last Thursday and when I say I get back I mean that I went to Brian, Mike, Joey and Eric's house after rehearsal and somehow we ended up in Newport News at CNU?...CRAZY.

We stole Ashleigh for a night of chillaxing. We got there around 1 and went to a hookah bar and then IHOP and then hung out at her place.

GAH it was so worth it. Brian had class the next day at 8 and Mike and I had projects due at noon that we hadn't started....GOD IT WAS WORTH IT.

Ashface came to Richmond Saturday night and we partied it was great.

Now I'm reading Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself To Live.

I have the best friends ever.

And I love how not being drunk ever for a month led to my tolerance lowering cause I've only had half a 40 and I can feel it. Not Tipsy...Not Drunk...but I can feel it.

GOD that's nice. I hate having to TRY to get drunk.

I don't have a bellybutton yet! ahahahahahaha ... Brian gets it.

I sighed.

2006-09-09T22:36:17Z

I just read a lot of my old entries and I can pin point change.

May 7th, 2006 -- after an awfully disapointing thrusday (which I just now made up for two days ago Sept. 7th...crazy.) and a really drunk Friday I got pissed and went home on Saturday May 6th. I was hungover like hell. Everclear will do that to you. And I was confused. I was ready for home. So I did.

I hung out with my friends. Everyone was home. It was weird. But a nice weird.

We watched the Graduate at Mandy's house...

that was it.

illusions of love, war, hate and everything inbetween.

2006-09-08T21:07:42Z

I went back and editted some portion of this and added.

I think in fragments. I think. America thinks in fragments and that's why everyone thinks we're stupid.
And we are stupid.

And if we're not thinking in fragments it's miniature movies, with soundtracks or images frozen in time.

When people perform psychoanalysis are they just finding the subtexts of our thoughts?
Are the subtexts to our thoughts endless? or do they have a definitive point? or does it all depend on the topic? or am I write when I say our thoughts are the subtexts to the things we really say?

It's all ETHOS I suppose.

Do we blame Montaigne for this beautiful/ugly literature or are we all just artists without the tools we need to create?

Here we can be romanitc and it's socially acceptable. I can choose theatre over housewife. Paris Hilton over Nicole Richie. Screaming Emo Bitches over Neo Nazi Punks. BMW over Lexus.

I can also never decide over Colin Hay's Beautiful World and Copeland's Coffee. Or Mae's Giving It Away and Third Eye Blind's Slow Motion. Even though, they really are no comparison to each other. It's all internal.

But it's mine.

I recognize loss, now. So if there is one thing I can ask of now it's that you stay. All of you. Because I recognize the patterns of when you leave. And think this is an everlong happiness if you stay because this quarter life crisis is a (John Mayor reference...bleh on me.) final phase in making me, me. So don't be like the rest in my past and leave. Cause the friends I have now fit like the most perfect flawed puzzle...

THE ACADEMY IS... Slow Down
You won the role, you've played your part
You've been cordially invited
But I'm not impressed
And I'm definately not excited
Cause the film has a shallow budget
And the writer's subject script isn't any deeper
So dive right in

Hollywood hills and suburban thrills and you
Who are you kidding?
I'm not like them
I won't buy it
Hollywood hills and suburban thrills and you
Who are you kidding?
Don't quit till your forty-seven
Then we'll turn it up and we'll play a little faster

Take back everything you ever said
You never meant a word of it
You never did
Take back everything you said
You never meant a word of it
You never did

She said, 'Alright, alright slow down'
Oh no, oh no we won't
Cause I regret everything that I said
To ever make her feel like she was something special
Or that she ever really mattered
Or did she ever really matter?

what?
i'll vomit in your cottage cheese.

I cannot explain the following text

2006-09-07T20:48:22Z

I like sunsets and fast car rides with windows down and music blaring.
I like Ben Folds, Brand New and Blink 192.
I think every moment has a song. I think every song has a picture in my mind... or a movie... or a person.
I like roadtrips, playing pool and pretending to be cool.
I like drinking when I'm not supposed to, and blaming it on you.
I like sulking in depression when I listen to Soco Amaretto Lime because it's all Mandy, Chelsea, Brian and Audrey mean to me, it's my youth, it's what made me me.
I gotta nother 500 nother 500 nother 500 miles before I shut this engine down...
I like theatre, music, and you.
I like making no sense and contridicting and then hating myself for it because I'm young and I can do what I want even though I don't wanna grow up, but I wanna be 30 so bad...
I don't have to listen to anyone about anything cause it's all been done and it's all been said...
I love how I can't listen to Hide and Seek or Hear You Me because they take me places I want to go so bad it hurts.
I love how I am stupid.
I love how I turned down a life behind a camera for a life backstage.
I think I've written an anthem for Grove Ave even though I haven't lived here too long...
THIS IS A LESSON IN PROCRASTINATION!

i don't even know

i think for the first time i am happy.
happy
happy
happy
happy
what does that even MEAN!?

I'm going crazy aren't I!?

WOO! :)

A Toast to Absent Friends.

2006-09-04T23:59:05Z

Saturday's rehearsal went very well. I strolled home from rehearsal only to clean and await the arrival of two "College Creekers." Mandy and Audrey.

Mandy...a partier...a poet...a closet artist...a debutante...a UVA Pre-Med student...a picture perfect perfection.
Audrey...a drunkard thru and thru...a political activitist...kind of...an International Relations student...a quarter life crisis.

Now I wasn't sure how this was going to pass. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it out alive...or with friends. I was honestly concerned with how much fun they would have. But they had a blast.

The evening started with just them at my place. Then the boys. Oh, excuse me if you are new to my blog...or if you are new to...we'll my world...the boys are as follows: Brian, Eric, Mike, and Joey. 4 amazingly funny guys. Then Katie. Then Brian (2). Then Tim. We sat around and drank, introduced each other and then we left to the 2nd Annual Freshmeat Party.

At first arrival...11:30ish the police were there...but it was honestly no problem. Frank is a very smart man with a plan at all times. He had it under control. It was a crowded, hot, pretty typical Richmond party. But also a gathering of a helluva lotta people who didn't know one another or were best friends. It was fun...but it got old pretty fast. Thus, we headed over to Brian's (The Resort) [Please note: by this time my friends were in fact intoxicated]. We hung out...some more people came over...we played FLIP PONG...the best game EVER.

And we left. Passed out at my place and woke up at 7:30. Went to the Burg. Went to IHOP. Dropped Mandy off, and I had a relaxing day at home.

Needless to day... I had a good easy weekend. Now I just have to introduce two more "College Creekers" to RICHMOND!

About last night...

2006-09-02T20:54:13Z

Last night we celebrated Eric's birthday it was the most successful party of the school year I think. Especially after Thursday night's events and Brian's Birthday.

Anyway, Phil the Clown brought Dora...yeah... the explorer. It was goodtimes.

A lot of cool kids were there and when I woke up this morning I felt fine.

I'm being a poor stage manager right now....I should be in the rehearsal room but there really isn't anything to do right now other than line notes and well... we are on top of that.

Erica and Trevor got Eric a cake and we all sang happy birthday. It was really cute. Erica and Trevor are really great P.A.s I think they are going to do well here.

Tim Jones stopped by with some Entenmann's treats.

Thus far, today has been a good day.

Anxiety.

2006-08-29T04:24:28Z

The Nerd is going really well. I'm very pleased. Maggie even emailed me telling me she'd heard good things about me and Eric.
But...I can't wait for it to be over.

This is weird but I wish that I could just focus on my classes for once. AND DO IT WITHOUT CALLING IT A "SEMESTER OFF". Isn't that stupid. Well, I see how it isn't stupid. But then again see how stupid that it. Having to request that you get a semester to yourself. plz...

I went home this weekend to re-energize. Catch some Zen points. That didn't happen. My house is pure chaos. With me moving out and my shit unorganized and everywhere, along with a child who is starting her terrible twos a few months early, parents who are going nuts, grandparents who constantly think something is wrong with them when they are prolly healthier than any other 78 year old on the planet,I would have been more successful being thrown into an ER and told to operate. (ok so maybe not)

Maybe I am losing my mind. Maybe goals are far fetched. Maybe I am piling all this on my plate for no reason. Maybe I should drop outta school and take care of my sister so that my parents can afford retirement and putting my sister through college. Let's face it. I DO NOT need a degree in stage management to BE a stage manager.

There are two people in the world right now who would be benefical to be around. Both of them are miles from where I am.

OR maybe it's 12 22 and I'm tired and headache ridden. I have an 8 am stage management class to attend and then art history and so on and so forth and blah blah blah.

One for the record books.

2006-08-26T16:21:03Z

If this year contiues to feel as great as it does right now.

HOLY SHIT!

Just may be the best year ever. Let's look at why, shall we...

-The Nerd...umm, how far ahead of schedule are Eric and I? And we are training to Freshmen. And our cast loves us. Stress free stage managing anyone? Me and Eric work very well together. Plus it's going to be over in like... a month and a half.

-My apartment. Though, it may not be the best apartment in Richmond, my roommate is the shit. The place is the shit. The neighbors are the shit. And all that makes life the shit.

-My classes. This is an "academicly challenging" year. Only not really. I am taking a lot of gen eds, and some really interesting theatre classes. And all of my classes have the cool kids in them...duh.

-My job. Prosody offered me two more jobs. 6 days of work 1300 dollars. Nothing else needs to be said...!

-My ideas. Between the crazy boys of the Resort, our music abilities, and alcohol, we've got so any ideas you might wanna wear a seat belt for the ride.

-Extra Curriculars. Not only am I having a blast being a serious, good student, I am also succeeding in having a good time without the assistance of alcohol. Who knew? That doesn't mean I have set aside my drinking days. I have just learned when to, when to not, and when to stop.

-Road Trips anyone? This year is going to have the best road trips. I gather this because all too often we are toasting to absent friends.

-The future. *Going to SETC. I know I am already going to be offered one job next summer. (short term though...dammit)
*Um, Red Ryder anyone? Yup, all mine. *Visiting Yale. *Chicago *Florida.

Anyway...

I RULE!

name that movie.

my desk chair rolls across the floor when I sit in it because the floor to my apartment isn't even.

2006-08-24T05:24:45Z

Physically...I need to start working out. NO I DO NOT THINK I AM FAT. Though, I have gained weight...[that's also been a good thing ;)] I need to get in shape. I need to eat heathier...I wanna live longer.

Emotionally. More stable then usual...actually feeling emotion which is very weird for me. Ya know?

Mentally. In a good place. Figuring things out. Learning a lot about myself, my goals, blah blah blah. But also, in the wee hours of the morning when I start thinking too much, and the anxiety increases, I realize things still aren't perfect yet. Somethings... different.

Lately, the things that have been making me happy are things that typically don't make me happy. I have been excited to see certain people and I actually notice a new smirk come across my face when I talk to/hear from certain people.

Maybe...against all popular and argued belief...I have a soul and my heart isn't really all the cold. At least not all the time. Boondock Saints style...

I think I am going through a quarter life crisis. I'll be twenty in November and well... that thought is actually kind of frightening. Earlier blogs have noted my ability to let go of my past and child hood (only as of recent/past four months SOMETHING happened...?). But twenty. That's not even a teenager. And at 24 I'll be successful and *crosses fingers* married...!...? DEAR LORD. WHAT?!

I just don't know about anything anymore. It's like I'm going through a second puberty...actually not really...that was me failing horribly at trying to be funny because I can't really tell if this seems light hearted, dark, or in any way, shape, or form is expressing that somehow, someplace way inside my head I am going INSANE. 20! OMG.

Yeah so that day may be only 365 days from legal consumption of alcoholic beverages but as of recently my desire to get fucked up has disappeared. I have been in Richmond a week and I haven't been drunk once. Almost...but no cookie. Since I have been back from tour I have only been drunk 1 maybe 2 times. YIKES.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

I am broke as shit too. I need a job. I need 36 hours in a day. Phil 101, Engl 101 (hahaha...), Stage Management Lecture, The Nerd Production, Art History and Basic Costuming and Makeup... All very easy classes, but leaving absolutely no time to work.

...and cue me wanting to be asleep right now...and cue me wanting to make out...and cue me missing Ashleigh...and cue me missing my sister...and cue a bullet flying through the front of my skull like in American Beauty.

I watched that tonight. I love it. It's so... sad.

Buddy Kane: In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times.

i really can't tell you what this is about or what this means.

2006-08-16T18:56:48Z

I am sobbing my fucking eyes out right now. I can't really pin point whether they are happy tears or not, regardless they are salty. Packing triggered these tears. I'm quite literally moving out. Going through everything I own and trashing it, or keeping it. There are just to many memories, I feel like I am throwing away a person. The old me. Someone who still lives deep within me but can see with a little more appreciation what's right in front of her face. I hold on to the stupidest things. I can pin point everytime I have made a positive change about myself because usually those changes are triggered by specific people. Unfortunately, some of those people have come and gone in my life. Some because I have grown out of them. Some because they have moved. I find myself thinking about these people and wondering if they think about me, if I made an impact on their lives as they have mine, and sometimes I even look for them on myspace or facebook.

Sometimes I wonder if I would be happier if I still talked to these people, but then I realize that my unhappiness is only caused by me. And I'm not really unhappy anymore. I have way too much going for me in life to waste my time being unhappy.

It's just something that happens to everyone. Throwing away your child hood, or packing it up to store away in boxes. But I want to throw mine away and becuse of that I feel guilty. I feel guilty for the moments I didn't take advantage of. But I certainly regret nothing. Well... maybe there is one thing I regret and I probably will for a very long time. Or at least until he comes home from Iraq. Maybe then I will talk to him again, because it has been around two years now since he randomly made himself present in my life for an hour to catch up.

My walls are torn to shreds where posters used to hang of bad bands and pop stars. All that is left is memorablia of my high school theatre years and a Marshall Amps poster. My bookshelves are still filled with books that I don't know what I am going to do with and picture frames filled with those people from my past who I don't even talk to anymore.

I just really realized that. I have one shelf with so many picture frames on it and I don't even talk to those people anymore, but they meant so much to me at one point in time. How did I ever become strong enough to let this go? because I am now. I definitely wasn't four months ago.

I've found the few things that define me. I know who I am, and the friends I have now know who I am too. (well, most of them) That's why the friends I have now are the ones that really count. The one's who understand. The ones I appreciate the most. They know who they are. And if you've read this poorly written script that is defining how much I should probably seek professional mental help then you probably are on of those friends. And if not, or if you don't think so then we should most definitely hang out more.

Because nothing is more exciting then a long car ride with people you love. Right?

Camera crews should follow me around.

2006-08-13T00:51:46Z

So...the tour ended. I have been home for just about 2 weeks now and I have accomplished nothing and boy does it feel great to just fuck around in Williamsburg for a while with no responsibilities.

So the tour changed my life. I'm not going to take things for granted anymore. I can't believe I have lived in this country so long and haven't even seen 25% of it. Well...now I have seen about 90% of the East Coast and I am damn proud. It was a great time.

After many hours of research, profound conversations, and a lot of booze I have decided that I am going to go to Grad School. My goal: Yale. They have an incredible stage management department and it seems... like it's my calling... or atleast a way to get me to work harder and to stop bitching about things I can't control within my major at VCU.

Yes, I understand the insanity of the idea, me...Yale?... and it may not happen, but that's the next step in my life after this one. I've learned that I am very young and now is the time to make things happen.

At this age my parents were married. (Thus, grows my fear of dying alone.) Often I say that I am never going to get married. (Ask Steph) I cannot wait to get married. I mean, I can...and I will...but I cannot wait to be successful and married and have a real home with a real life and amazzzzzzzing experiences behind me.

I want so much. I need so much. I cannot wait to travel more. I need to see Chicago. I need to see the west coast. I need to visit England and Ireland. I want to do this NOW.

big dreams. little girl.

checkacheckcheckcheckcheckitout

2006-07-29T04:15:52Z

So....

minor promotion today.

you know...

nothing big or anything...

just that I took Justin's job after he was let go.

So now I am the ASM/Guest Talent Coordinator/HIS Screen Op/HIS Screen Designer/Promotional Sound Assistant.

Well...something like that...

hahaha.

ROCK ON.

tours almost over...

meh

Welp.

2006-07-28T03:10:02Z

3 days.

what can I say?

I'm going to miss Ashleigh and Nat.

I'm looking forward to getting the Sa!nts and others back together.

In regards to the tour ... I excited but I'm not ready.

I am not ready for the goodbyes that are coming my way.
Ashleigh, Nat, and Michele are going to be REALLY hard to say goodbye to.
There are others that are going to be hard to say goodbye too, but it's not going to be AS hard.

I dunno.

whatever I am going to go now.

i dunno

whateves.

I am a non smoker.

2006-07-25T06:12:47Z

that's all. more later.